Narcissistic type Behaviour patterns - NBP
Checklist
1. Excessive time and energy used to draw attention to themselves and creating drama around them. Capturing, holding and then commanding attention is essential, to the point of addiction. Attention and drama are like their drugs of choice.
2. Severe discomfort acknowledging they might have made a mistake backed by a sense of being entitled to special treatment. May express a fake “I was wrong” or even “Sorry” but finds it almost impossible to share or express a genuine apology,
3. Little regard for the way others feel, but may display artificial empathy.
4. Undermining, criticising, guilt tripping, invalidating, denigrating or any other process that helps devalue other people. These each help the NBP feel better about themselves.
5. Other people’s ideas or issues are dismissed, negated, ignored, minimised, treated as irrelevant or just not heard.
6. NBP promises have a very short shelf life. The NBP can promise all kinds of gifts, a magical relationship or friendship including pretend commitment when they want something from you. Be very wary of any NBP promise. Once you deliver what they want the promise evaporates.
7. The NBP player has problems seeing reality clearly. So it helps them if they can create the same difficulty in others. The more the confusion the greater the drama but unfortunately the higher the level of engagement, which suits the NBP perfectly!
8. Amazing ability to create doubt and uncertainty in others, called “gaslighting”. Targets end up feeling there is something is wrong with them, they stop trusting their own reality, their own thoughts and opinions. The targets start to question whether the problem really is with them and not with the NBP. That is exactly where the NBP wants you; confused and questioning yourself.
9. Amazing and very powerful engaging skills, often extreme. Super charming, spellbinding when setting up a new engagement, rebuilding one that has been getting weaker (or restoring control after your attempt to disengage). Alternatively extremely unpleasant if this is a better way to gain attention. Whatever works as long as it gains attention or creates drama.
10. Displaying an over developed sense of self importance, entitlement. “It’s all about me!” Self opinionated, exploitative or grandiose.
11. They act as superior (it’s a mask). NBP is an empathy free, boundary free zone. NBP behaviour is self-serving behind their mask which projects their right to be exceptional, and entitled to special treatment. This justifies their right to be cruel or heartless. Don’t expect this to change.
12. Ignoring the referee‘s whistle. If the NBP doesn’t like a decision an impartial third party has made they’ll just ignore it. Even court orders or legal decisions that go against them are brushed aside. On the other hand if a judgement goes in their favour they will insist on it being carried out to the letter.
13. One individual is singled out as a “golden child or person”
14. NBP have two opposite views about changing. They are very resistant to making any change inside themselves. Don’t waste your energy asking for change or even hoping things might get a bit better. That’s unless the change will make them look better. Then they will be wanting it as soon as possible.
15. Commitment would create far more problems than benefits for them. They may promise pretend commitment (for some time in the future) when really all they want is something you can deliver for them, now.
16. Treating people as useful “appliances” rather than human beings
REMINDER Each of these are just parts that help make up a powerful mask. Deep inside people who use NBP are lacking boundaries and a healthy sense of self-esteem. Reassure yourself, that’s the reason they have to be so good at doing the things they do, using their complex NBP defence systems including their very protective, but false ‘public masks’ to hide their deep seated fear of not ever having enough power or enough control over their own feelings. So they have to try to control, change or undermine other people.
Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns or NPP are behaviours, not a diagnosis.
It’s something people are doing not who they are. People who use NBP are not clinical narcissists. But they are using narcissistic behaviours to set up powerful masks to protect themselves. Deep inside people who use Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns or NBP are lacking boundaries and a healthy sense of self-esteem.
Reassure yourself, that’s the reason they have to be so good at doing the things they do, using their complex NBP defence systems including their very protective, but false ‘public masks’ to hide their deep seated fear of not ever having enough power or enough control over their own feelings.
So they have to try to control, change, undermine or unbalance other people while at the same time remaining constantly on guard. In the short term they feel better inside but the weird thing is they actually convince themselves that’s somehow helping them in the long term too!
